Date: 1st April 2009 at 10:57pm
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Following palpitations over whether or not it was some sick and twisted April Fools` joke, The Lion of Gosforth has finally been officially confirmed as our new boss. Reaction from the club was:

Managing Director Derek Llambias said: ‘Everyone at Newcastle United is absolutely delighted that Alan has taken on this challenge. Already there is a buzz around the city. The news has given everyone a massive boost.’

Shearer is set to hold his first training session with the squad on Thursday morning. St James’s Park will not be open to the public. The club revealed the squad will stage an open training session for fans to attend at the ground next Tuesday.

From ourselves – at least we have a chance of getting out of the brown stuff, far more than could be said with Hughton and Calderwood in charge.