Date: 28th October 2018 at 11:40am
Written by:

Over the last couple of days, I am sure I have seen vultures circling St James’ Park – they are, in my opinion looking for a juicy T-bone to pick the flesh from the bones from two dead men walking.

And the only reason why I know the hacks from the national press are camped in the bushes in and around the homes belonging to Mike Ashley and Rafa Benitez, sneakily waiting for a scoop is because of the fog and the musty old man smell emanating from the shadows.

Has anyone been accosted by the hordes of journalists from the local media and asked about their feelings regarding Mike Ashley and the clubs future?

Has anyone been accosted by the hordes of journalists from the local media and asked about their feelings regarding Rafa and his future as Newcastle United boss?

It is true; the media circus has come to town.

The Perfect Replacement

I can save a lot of time and an enormous amount of effort for those involved in looking for a story if only they were to read this article.

Ladies and gentlemen of the press, go home as I have the ITK (in the know) scoop of the year.

Geordies have had enough and are begging for a change of club owner, and if you are like me and had enough of Rafa’s reign I would be glad of anyone, and I mean anyone with an ounce of honesty, self-respect, passion, and love of the club to come in and make changes.

I have come to the end of my tether, I have run out of patience – no wins in ten and no shots on target against Southampton on Saturday. It is poor.

In an effort to rectify the situation and to make sense of it all, my recommendation is for the fans to begin to believe again. Yes, think in happier times and start a campaign to oust Ashley in favour of Nellie the Elephant.



Nellie has been around since 1957, and so her grounding in matters concerning the circus would well suit what we’re experiencing right now.

She would undoubtedly pick a team who would fight for their first win of the season. She may entice the players, not with money but with her trunk.

Tickle their fancy, tickle anything, who cares, I don’t.

Mad Mad World

Championship football doesn’t do it for me, it didn’t the last time, and so I will do anything to change the mess we’re in, and if that means believing that a cartoon character is better than what we have right now, then I for one am up for it.


Nellie the Elephant packed her trunk

And said goodbye to the circus

Off she went with a trumpety-trump

Trump, trump, trump

If you have read the whole article and then thought to yourself that you had wasted three minutes of your life, three minutes you will never get back then you will feel how we do about the years we’ve lived enduring Mike Ashley.


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