Date: 3rd January 2013 at 11:44pm
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Our regular feature of NUFC fans views returns with another Q+A session. This time, Toon_NoMatterWot takes the hotseat

It’s Friday and that means the return of NUFC fans view.

This week it’s TNMW in the chair and Keggy Keagal asks the questions on everybody’s lips.

(KK) Tell me all about your first match (who took you, memories sights sounds etc)?

(TNMW) Being honest, I vaguely remember my first game as it seems that I have always went. My first real memory of NUFC is just massive crowds everywhere.

I only remember the date because of the relevance of what happened on it but my mam took me and me brother to the central station to see the FA Cup final side coming back from Wembley in 1974 and we got caught in a crush. A copper helped me and me brother onto a wall apparently.

Me dad took us both to games in the 70’s and according to what ive been told, my first game was at home to Wolves which finished 0-0. We were taken whenever he wasn’t at work from then until Keegan came as a player.

The routine was mainly me dad taking us to a bar on Westgate road beside where his builders merchants was.

The midland bar it was called and he’d have a sly 4 or 5 beers whilst we got plied with pies, nuts, fizzy pop etc before making the long walk up the many roads towards the ground.

You could hear the crowds before you saw them and it was quite scary to a little lad like I was but the buzz and smell of the hotdog vans was something else. You’ll never ever regain that. Even the man with the trolley who sold his programs was a regular sight to behold as I knew me dad would get us one each.

My first game with friends (without me dad) was the bank holiday Monday game in 1984 versus Carlisle. It was an opportunity to act the arse and actually get involved with singing the songs that usually got us embarrassed in front of me dad.

Once you catch the bug of going to games, it’s very hard to want to lose that feeling.

Your first boyhood hero (ie: player you wanted to be)?

A difficult question this because it was probably Kenny Dalglish or some other player that was always on TV.

He was something else was Dalglish and in the olden days, you didn’t mind admitting you liked other teams players because there was actually a bit of respect.

I also liked Gary Shaw and Tony Morley at Aston Villa as they were quality players when Villa won the league.

Random players I know but we weren’t that good back then.

We`ve just had Christmas what`s the first sweet you go for from the selection box?

Christ, random or what?

I used to be a chocolate lover although im not too fussed now but it would probably have to be a ripple or a bounty.

Favourite Shirt? And Shirt you’ve hated the most?

I could literally have slept in the fruit cocktail away strip when that came out in the early 90’s. I just loved it for some daft reason but maybe the likes of Mark McGhee or Liam oBrien wearing it on a Saturday sometimes bore the main reason.

Favourite home shirt was probably the grandad collared mid 90’s (a la Ginola) or the one with the blue piping when Shearer played for us and we got to the cup final the second year in succession in the late 90’s.

The most hated shirt was the daft deckchair effort from our recent promotion season.

Describe your current average normal match day, is there a routine or superstitions you always go through?

Not particularly but I reckon Poisoned Monkey would say that I was superstitious as I always have to have the same seat. between the two of us, we try to change certain things about the match day as our performances have suffered due to something that we are doing differently.

I reckon it’s because we have approached our seats from the other side and if we changed back to the other side then we’ll win the next game. I’ll try and it for the Reading game and we’ll see if it works.

Worst performance you’ve ever seen?

Impossible to answer as ive witnessed far too many bad performances to nail just the one. Even some hammerings at home have seen better performances than some wins ive seen but to name a few, I’ll never forget the Plymouth away game on a Friday night before Xmas in the early 90’s when we got hammered 4-0.

Also the relegation season in the late 80’s saw us lose at home to the likes of Coventry 3-0 (I think) and Millwall. They were dire times.

Of course now we need the best ?

Tough questions with no real obvious answer but the very first game I attended without me dad against Carlise 5-1, Derby 4-0, Man City 5-0 and the Brighton last Keegan league game (3-1 to us) in the promotion season were special to me. Add to that the Manure 5-0, the Spurs 7-1, The Cole hattrick against Grobelaar 3-0. The 3-2 Barcelona C/L game.

In recent times, the Mackem annihilation 5-1. Ive missed loads but games like this make it all worthwhile.

One player for us you’ve despised and hated?

*Puts thinking cap on…..

Would probably go for Billy Whitehurst. He was a carthorse and the fans let him know on more than one occasion.

The abuse he gave us as he went off in a game as he showed a certain hand gesture was his last appearance. he’s lucky he wasn’t lynched by some at that game.

One player from another team?

There’s been many. David Speedie, Eric Gates, Vinny Jones to name a few but that day when Owen did that hand rub after scoring up here was probably the closest that ive ever came to storming the pitch.

Sometimes wish I did.

Newcastle United have suddenly become pioneers in cloning. You can choose a Toon player from any era to be vat grown and placed in the current side, sadly the d.n.a. samples of Shearer, Beardsley, Gazza (90% proof) and Keegan have been contaminated so they are unavailable!

The obvious choice would be to pick one of the stars of yesteryear who actually helped us win something like Jackie Milburn, Bobby Moncur, The Robledo brothers, maybe Hughie Gallacher but as i never witnessed them im gonna choose someone else.

It has to be SuperMac. probably a better player than Shearer on his day and would have fetched stupid figures nowadays if his injury problems were sorted by modern techniques.

He had it all. Pace, power, technique. Think Les Ferdinand on drugs.

You have to pick a player from the current Sunderland squad to play for us.

Very hard to even know any of their names as i don’t follow them but I would probably pick Adam Johnson because he can beat a man, cross a ball and hasn’t been on Weirdside for too long, so wouldn’t need too much fumigation.

You are Sir Laz for the day and therefore able to sleep with any man, woman or animal you choose, whatever your proclivities, being Laz they all find you alluring. Name your new top woman!!

These questions are impossible but i’ll give an example of my taste.

Jennifer Aniston, Kirsty Gallacher, I even had a thing for Jayne Middlemiss for a while.. but basically something that doesn’t use a trowel to get the make up on and someone that respects the way they look gets the thumbs up from me.

Mike Ashley has spontaneously combusted taking the entire club with him you must choose another club from the league to support who and why?

You can’t choose your club in my opinion. A club just fits you like a glove whether you want it to or not.

If NUFC ceased to exist then id start my own.

What`s your funniest football related memory?

Again, Ive seen many comedy moments at matches but the game against Luton in which Kenny Wharton sat on the ball was something else.

Basically, Luton beat us 4-0 at their place earlier in the season and the manner in which they took the mickey wasn’t taken lightly, put it that way.

Fast forward a few months and it was a revenge 4-0 from us but we went the extra mile to rub it in with Steve Foster (their captain with that daft tennis headband) trying his best not to come to blows with some of our team, it was showboating at it’s finest with Gazza the main man in organising it.

When you have players like John Cornwell doing fancy flicks then youd wish the ground could swallow you up, believe me.

Alan Pardew suddenly leaves Newcastle to start his own spectacles and mirrors emporium. Mike Ashley in a rare break from shafting the fans begs you to draw up a three man shortlist for a replacement.

Personally, we’d find it difficult to get a manager that the fans deserve as the club is tarnished by the treatment of some of our past employees but if this wasn’t an issue then id have a three man shortlist of:

Laurent Blanc – A team of French players can prosper under a man they respect. The other players know who he is as well, which helps.

Rafa Benitez – Chelsea may not want him but I would. Again he will get respect for what he has actually won and he is tactically a good manager.

Roberto Martinez – I like the way he sets up his teams and he would have us playing in an entertaining style. maybe he couldn’t attract the best players, which could be a worry though.

Wanting value for no money he also asks you to sign one player for the January window his parting words are “not a penny over 10million Toony!”

The choice would have to be between a central defender or a striker, which is tricky in itself but id have to go for someone like Zaha from Crystal Palace, who is adaptable in more than one position.

It’s been a while since we bought an upcoming player with a guaranteed sell on price if the need arose.

Have you ever reached the point as a fan where you`ve said “No More! “And stopped going or following the side?

Ive never ever stopped following the side as it’s my right. it would be like cutting off a limb. it’s just something that doesn’t seem to be an option, no matter what

but, ive missed games deliberately because ive been unhappy with how things are being run. Only in the Ashley era mind.

If I could, I would walk away from this tomorrow but i haven’t got the will power and i see it as my right to go and follow my team in the flesh.

Maybe it’s the Scottish blood i get from my grandad as I can be a stubborn get.

Knowing you`ve been supporting a year or two now. Name the pros of being a fan in the year 2012/2013.

No matter how bad things seem, I would never wish to support someone else. I suppose the not knowing what’s gonna happen next is a bit exciting in a way as this tenureship has to end one day.

Also the cons ?

The worst part about being a fan is that it is so hard to walk away bearing in mind the obscene money involved with playing now.

The most important part of the game, the whole reason why football is as successful as it is, the reason why Sky TV and similar get their amounts of cash is down to one reason (The fans) and they’re disrespected. it boils my p***

Tell us one piece of wisdom you’d pass on to your kids

Always try to listen to advice from your elders, even if it gets your goat up as experience is priceless.

You have now been appointed (by me) soothsayer to the forum. A Toon Russell Grant if you will. Give us an overview of how the next few seasons will go?

Very difficult again but this is probably the most obvious path.

We survive by the skin of our teeth this season but the regime sack Pardew with a minimal pay off as he broke the terms of his contract by not achieving their set target.

We appoint Mick McCarthy as our new messiah and he gains us a respectable 10th place finish next season. Sales of Cabaye and Coloccini are offset by a further three French signings.

The season after, McCarthy gets sacked after we lie in 19th place after 8 games. Neil Warnock takes over and we finish 14th. A semi final loss in the league Cup, scant reward for the fans patience.

Ashley sells the club in the Summer of 2015 after 10 years in charge to a Chinese consortium.

The council erect a statue of Ashley on the town moor as if to warn off any other rogue traders.

(Asked by Cameron Nufc) Who would you say the Best and worst players are at the club?

The best players are obviously Ben Arfa and Cabaye as we’ve dropped dramatically when they’ve been out.

Coloccini is another gem on his day.

The worst players are obvious but to save them any further embarrassment, i’ll only name the worst.

Mike Williamson.

My question to ask the next person interviewed.

Do football forums/websites blow everything out of proportion or give a fair reflection of what the general feeling is in regards to NUFC?


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