Date: 21st March 2009 at 8:51pm
Written by:

1) How many more Hughton half time ‘pep talks` will we have to suffer before people realise we cave in like a pack of cards straight away after every time this morose gimp gets them in at half time?

2) Does Dennis Wise hold some sort of incriminating evidence over Mike Ashley? Photos of him in ladies` underwear whilst dogging with Stan Collymore or holding the threat of a Youtube premiere of him engaged in some lewd act with vegetables? Surely this can be the only reason why he would give the boss-eyed little tw*t the purse strings to sign Coloccini.

3) If Taylor and Bassong are out who will we play at centre half? David Edgar v Didier Drogba – mmmmnnn. Hands on ankles and bend over please – I feel another NUFC shafting coming on.

4) Wasn`t it nice of Martins to finally up his game and put in a nice cameo for Mr Wenger. Was the penalty miss a sweetener to ease the move? At least wait until we`re actually down Oba…

5) What is Colin Calderwood`s job? Answers on a postcard to: D Llambias, c/o SJP, NE1.

6) With Chelsea, Liverpool and Villa still to play is it going to be necessary for us to win the remaining five games?

7) How many mackems have frapped themselves into a coma in the wake of today`s results?

8) Have Abdoullaye Faye, Ryan Taylor and Titus Bramble indirectly relegated us?

9) What will our average attendance be if we go down?

10) Have Ashley and Llambias written a second contingency begging letter for season ticket renewals should we get relegated? What carrot could they offer the fans?